i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
