The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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