Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
