I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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