I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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