Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
