come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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