I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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