my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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