I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
