I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
do herpes really smell.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
