Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
this boner is exhausting
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
