Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
