Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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