And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
