farters have to be the big spoon...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
