If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
