I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
