She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
