Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
how can u be prego again
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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