remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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