Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
