she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
