I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
