Betty ford says i'm here all night
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
