Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
