Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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