bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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