Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
