dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
