Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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