He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
