ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
