Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
God, I missed his penis.
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