Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
