I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
