he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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