it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I want to be your penis for a week.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
