I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
