i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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