That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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