Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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