You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
