Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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