GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
