Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
