I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
