i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
