My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
