I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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