6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
