I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
