either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
